Going through a rope injury-induced existential crisis

What was bound to happen, has happened. I got injured when doing rope. It’s not your typical wrist drop, but some weird strain of the muscles in my shoulder, which in turn compresses my nerves. At least that is what the physiotherapist told me. The technicalities are beside the point of this writing though (although I do realize that it is an interesting topic in itself). What I want to talk about is how it makes me feel, because writing about stuff usually helps me get over it and in this case getting over it is highly advisable as I am going a bit crazy.

I feel like my body is betraying me

Rope makes you feel invincible in a way. When you get out of a difficult position that you’ve been able to sustain for much longer than you thought you would, you feel amazing. You feel strong and empowered. You feel like you can take anything.

The truth is that you don’t. Even if your mind doesn’t have limitations, your body certainly does. Right now I am feeling its fragility very acutely. And I hate it. I hate it because I feel stupid and incompetent. I feel like the injury is my failure. How could I not have felt it happening? How could I push myself beyond my limits? And why do I have limits? Why can’t I be able to just take anything that is thrown at me?

I have a strong and intimate relationship with my body. I love moving it and feeling it move. I love all the sensations that it is able to provide me with. I love using it to become stronger. I love yoga and dancing. I love to exercise and to feel my muscles working. And right now it is all gone.

I put it all on standby because currently, I feel like I don’t know my body at all. It’s like when you’ve been in a relationship with someone that you trusted for a really long time and suddenly that person betrays your trust. You start to doubt everything they do. I feel the same about my body now. And it is killing me.

I feel like I am betraying my body

On the other hand, my body is just a tool. It is me who commands it and I am aware that I haven’t taken good care of it. I wasn’t listening enough to it. I missed it’s crying for help. And the injury is the result of it.

And even now, although what I should be doing is taking care of it and tending to it, so that it can recover properly, I can’t get myself to do it. I don’t accept the injury. I am just waiting for it to be over, but I can’t get to love my body in this state. I can only love it when it is in perfect shape, otherwise, it’s a nuisance that I have to put up with. Which is the case at this moment.

I realize that it is a betrayal on my side. I shouldn’t be so harsh to it. I should love it for better and for worse. I should cherish it for the fact that it allowed me to do such crazy things as rope bondage for so long. And I should accept and love it also when it is not perfect. Also when it needs me, not only when I am needing it. But I just… don't.

I am afraid that I will never be able to tie again in the same way as I used to

And should I even? Isn’t doing rope bondage the way that I do it essentially an assault on my poor body? Is it a loving thing to do at all? Can I do it in a way that will not cause another injury at some point? And if I think I can’t, should I get back to it?

These are scary questions because I realize that I don’t want to stop doing rope. And I won’t. But at the same time, I don’t know if I will be able to feel loving towards myself and doing rope at the same time.
I definitely have self-destructive tendencies and I am hoping that kink and rope are a safe way to unwind them without being really self-destructive. But is it really true?

Lately, I've been trying to push myself less and to be more accepting of myself in general. And I am not sure if doing rope is really helping me with that. Or if doing it is just tending to my old overly critical and striving for perfection self.

On the other hand, maybe indeed I won’t be tying in the same way and it is good. Maybe I will start to listen to myself more. Maybe next time I will say stop before it is too late. Maybe I will become a tiny bit more cautious and I will be able to balance a bit better the need to push with pulling out when I need to.
The only thing that I really hope for is that I won’t lose my ability to let go and give myself completely to the experience. Because that would kill my modelling.

I am afraid that people won’t want to tie with me anymore

This is another thing that really worries me. Because I feel like I failed as a bottom for letting myself to be pushed too far. And why would anybody want to tie with a bottom who is a failure? Am I unsafe to play with? Will they trust me that next time I won’t let them injure me?

I do realize that the above worries are a bit overdrawn. People make mistakes and I am a person. It wasn’t only me who is responsible for the injury and with this reasoning I should also not want to tie with the rope top who caused it, which is definitely not the case. I don’t blame them and I see it as an accident and a lesson to be learned from. That's when I look at it from their perspective. When I look at it from my perspective, though, I feel like it was an ultimate failure proving that I am incompetent and risky.

Additionally, I am worried that I will become more cautious and because of that less fun to tie with. I know that caring for my safety is important and calling for the position to be changed or for the scene to end is nothing to be ashamed of. My rational mind knows it. My feelings, though, tell me something different in such situations. They tell me that I am spoiling the fun and that I am a disappointment. And that if I will want to quit, my rigger will find someone else who doesn’t and therefore is more fun to be around. I know that only an asshole person would do something like that and if they do, I probably shouldn’t tie with them at all. But still, my irrational worry is there to entertain my thoughts.

Doing mild things doesn’t satisfy me

My injury is only in my left arm, so I actually could still do many things in rope. I could practice leg ties with people, do mild floorwork, maybe even some suspensions as long as they don’t involve my arm.

It doesn’t satisfy me at all, though.

And here is where my perfectionism comes into play. Because I don’t want to be limited in any way. If I and my rigger can’t do everything that we might feel like doing, then I don’t want to do anything at all. I can either do all kinds of ties or none. There is nothing in between for me that I would find even mildly satisfying. If I can’t let go completely (and currently I can’t because of my condition) I don’t want to tie at all.
Additionally, I don’t want my rigger to have to adjust to my condition. Why should they? Why would they want to tie with broken me anyway when they have hoards of fit models that could do much better than me?

I know that in the reasoning above I miss the part that people who tie with me want to tie with me and not just tie a body. So they might be perfectly ok with tending to my limitations as long as we are doing something together. To me, it feels like I am failing them, though, and ruining their experience because of my limitations. And that they must be doing a favour to me by still wanting to tie, but they definitely are doing it out of pity and they aren't enjoying it.

On the other hand, maybe it is ok if I don’t want to tie until I am perfectly fit. If I feel like I am not able to enjoy it if I can’t let go fully then why should I force it? My way of bottoming is very intense and immersive and if I won’t be getting that intensity because of the injury, maybe it is better just to wait and get back to it on my terms.

I can’t come up with something that I could do that would make me feel like I am still developing even though I am not actively being tied

So here I am, rope-deprived, watching all the rope pictures passing by online and thinking about the times when I was in one of those positions. Wondering, when will I be back? Being envious of all the models with their healthy bodies developing their skills, while I am getting rusty and out of shape.

Since I started rope, I have been on a spree of self-discovery. Basically each session would teach me something new and exciting about myself, my body, rope or the connection with my partners. I’ve been tying 2-3 times every week (at least), I’ve been taking workshops and starting to teach myself. I’ve been tying with amazing people.

I felt like I am on a path of discovering what rope bottoming is for me and what can I bring to the table as a model. I’ve been beginning to feel empowered and like I am getting my own voice in rope. And now it all stopped. I haven’t had a proper rope experience for weeks now and I don’t feel like lab time and dry practice is teaching me anything in the realm that I am interested in. I feel stuck and I don’t know what to do about it.

Maybe it is one of the most important experiences that I’ve had in rope so far, though?

Falling in love for the first time is easy. You jump headfirst into the experience, oblivious to the possible consequences in the shape of disappointment and heartbreak that might be awaiting you. You immerse yourself fully in the feeling of infatuation, every second spent with your lover feeling like a blessing.

This is how my relationship with rope has been until now. It’s an amazing experience, but it doesn’t last forever. Sooner or later things get tougher, you break up or you go through a crisis. Sooner or later you get hurt by the person you love. And, ironically, it is often those moments that shape you the most. It is those moments when you gain the perspective and understanding, which in the end allow you to go even deeper. If you dare.

So who knows? Maybe it is one of the most important lessons that I am going to learn about rope. Being outside of rope. I can’t tell right now, because I am still in the middle of it, but I feel that it might be. Because so far things have been too easy for me. And ease is never a good teacher. Right now I definitely am in a sort of a crisis, which I hope is going to make me understand what I am doing in rope even better.
To me, there is much more meaning in opening up to someone, after you’ve been hurt. It’s a proof of courage and strength if you are able to open up your heart over and over again, despite knowing how it might end up.

Of course, each time it happens, you become wiser. Hopefully, you learn from your mistakes and you get to know yourself better and chose your partners wiser. But still, love is uncertain and the risk of heartbreak is always there. You either accept it and open yourself up to experience love fully again or you close and deprive yourself of that amazing feeling, but also prevent the possible heartbreak.

In relationships, I’ve always chosen for the first option. And I feel that in rope it will be the same. In time I will tie again and I will give myself fully again. Maybe, in the beginning, I will be a bit more cautious. And maybe I will learn that it is ok to be. And that my riggers still want to tie with me despite it. Or maybe because of it? Because they will be able to trust me even more? Who knows? Only time will tell.

Considerations on what constitutes the matter of kinbaku from Riccardo Wildties and RedSabbath

I've been extremely lucky to have recently participated in an unforgettable workshop, Xtreme Xclusive: Matter from Wildties and RedSabbath, as a model of one of the most talented riggers and amazing people that I know, Soptik. I don’t think that there is a need to add how huge influence it had on me and my development as a kinbaku model. Enormous.

Even though I’ve been worried about not being able to follow it, because of an arm injury that I’ve experienced at Eurix a week earlier, I survived all the challenging ties without a scratch (oh well, maybe a few) and had an amazing experience.

There are a couple of important realizations that arose from that workshop, that either have been shared by the teachers or other participants or just came to my mind, that I would like to talk about here.

Riggers

You learn the rules in order to break them at the right time

It was really fascinating to listen to Riccardo telling his students to break almost all the rules that he had taught them before. In his other workshops, he teaches how to execute Naka style ties perfectly. He explains each position and placement and teaches the standard way of tying that tie. Here, he was showing how to get out of the standard and break the perfection in order to express the mood and intensify the connection.

Because perfection is not what kinbaku is about. It's actually about the opposite. By breaking the rules you show your personality, make the tie yours. But you have to know how to apply the rules before you can break them. Otherwise, you are just ignorant and what you are doing is not showing personality but incompetence.

But when the time is right and when you reach the level of mastery that can inform your choices, sticking to the rules of a style religiously will prevent you from truly expressing yourself and the mood of the moment in your tying.

One tie does not rule them all

People in the West tend to learn a pattern and apply it thoughtlessly to every model, without consideration of how he or she is looking in the tie. Riccardo kept challenging the riggers to go beyond that habit and really look at what they've created so far and at their model in ropes and put the rope where they feel and not where they think it should be.

This created an entirely different experience. Both aesthetically, as it created more beautiful ties, but also mentally for us, models. You could feel that you are a part of the creative process of the rigger, instead of just being the means to his goal of putting your body in a certain position, that he is working with you and not despite you.

If you want your ropes to be clean, you need to clear your mind first

Riccardo kept saying that the riggers have to become more Japanese in how they are tying. It wasn't about conceptualizing the Japanese aesthetics, though, but about clearing your mind, so that you can let the inspiration flow through you.

There are certain standard ties that Europeans are able to tie in a Japanese way because they know the pattern well, but any time they try to deviate from the norm and change something, they become, as Riccardo calls it, ‘gothic’. That's because they think too much about the ropes, instead of observing and feeling them.

In Japanese aesthetics things are never perfect, there is always something unfinished, asymmetric, breaking the pattern. At the same time, those changes are very subtle. No big deviations, but rather small imperfections are what make the tie yours without losing its initial form. But only having a clear mind will let you see and feel the subtleties.

Using the right tie to evoke the right emotions in the model has everything to do with technique

I think that this was one of the most interesting concepts of this workshop because it's a paradigm shift for many riggers. People usually equate rope technique with their command of rope. The more ties you are able to execute, the neater they are, the faster you are and the better your rope handling skills are, the better your technique. It's partly true, but Riccardo shifted the focus, by saying that what good technique ultimately is, is being able to evoke the right emotions in your model at will.

Just as a brush is a tool for a painter, the rope is a tool for the rigger. And just as a painter paints with colours, the rigger paints with the emotions of the model. For a painter, knowing which brush to choose is a part of his technical skills in the same way as for the rigger is choosing the right tie.

I love this approach because it shifts the focus of the riggers from their ropes, which is a mere tool, to the models, which are the canvas. And that adds so much depth to the experience.

You should tie for yourself and not for your model

This concept might be a bit controversial, but I fully agree. I've heard it for the first time expressed by Soptik in his workshop 'Soptik's rope' during the Prague Shibari Festival last year. In the workshop, he had an exercise in which he was encouraging the riggers to tie something that they've always wanted to do, but they've never done because they thought that the model will not like it. He was asking the riggers this one time to tie for themselves and not for their models. To do whatever they feel like and see how it changes their experience.

A similar attitude was indicated by Riccardo during this workshop. He said that he always ties what he feels like and not what he thinks that his model (or the audience) wants. Only then he can deliver at his best. Even if it means tying the same tie over and over again, he will do it, because deviating from it will result in something suboptimal.

I love this approach because it intensifies the D/s dynamic enormously and it's very fulfilling for me as a submissive. The rigger has the power to do whatever he wants to do and he is executing it. He is in control. As a submissive, that's exactly what I want. If the dominant is focused on my comfort or pleasure, then the power dynamic is lost, because it is me who becomes a more important part of the equation. The balance is reversed.

If he ties for himself, I can feel that he is truly enjoying himself thanks to me. And that's extremely fulfilling and ultimately more enjoyable then if he would care for my pleasure directly. Also, it makes it more worthwhile to suffer through difficult ties. I make it for him and not for myself. And that makes all the difference.

Models

Surrender is not the same as dissociation

At some point, there was a question from one of the participants about how the surrender actually looks like, and why Japanese models are often so squirmy while in surrender, and Western models usually calm down and become less reactive in the same state of mind.

An immediate response that popped into my head and that was spelt out by NawaTaNeko seconds later was that surrender is not the same as dissociation. The models in the West often dissociate instead of surrendering, meaning that they distance themselves from their internal experiences, which often results in a freeze response, while surrender is actually opening up and letting all the experiences in. Surrender is an acceptance of your inner experience instead of its denial and that often leads to a strong external expression, which you can observe in Japanese models.

Another point that Riccardo raised was that in the West riggers are often not able to be there with the model if she is expressing her emotions. Squirming or screaming often leads to ending the scene. Therefore, models teach themselves to go more inwards, because they do not want to worry the rigger. Which is a shame, because by silencing themselves they might lose part of the experience.

Of course, every model is different and expresses herself differently. Some models naturally go more inwards. I, on the other hand, tend to be very expressive, which I used to treat as a sign of weakness, watching other models being so peaceful and calm. I even felt like my squirminess and being loud might be treated as a sign of disrespect towards my rigger. Like it might be taken as a complaint, which it definitely isn’t.

But watching more and more amazing models, like RedSabbath or NawaTaNeko, suffering and expressing themselves during semenawa sessions, I realized that there are power and beauty in strong self-expression. Being expressive means that I am not afraid to open up and to show what I am going through and that I want to incorporate the rigger in my experience. I am not expressing my feelings because I'm not able to take the tie otherwise. I am expressing them because I am fully open and I let everything spill out of me. I have nothing to hide. I am fully surrendered to my rigger and to the experience that he is giving me. And I trust him that he will stay there to witness me in it.

Showing true surrender inspires more than a thousand words

During the workshop both Ale and Riccardo were very tired as they've just come back from almost a month-long tour around the world. Partly because of that and partly because it's not her style, Ale was not talking much.

Two times during the workshop Riccardo asked her to describe her experience. Both times her descriptions were brilliant and so on point (I wish I was so articulate when my partner asks me to describe my experiences… I usually just say "It was tough, I thought that I can't take it, but I could."). But still, my impression is that according to the current standards of model involvement in a workshop, that's not a lot.

Even if she didn't talk at all, though, her presence and how much she was giving of herself was the best inspiration that I could get. It was amazing to see her take everything that Riccardo was putting her through, to see her break in relief after a difficult tie, to have her showing us her bare emotions. I can't imagine a better example of true surrender. The moment you see something like that, you think "I want to be so beautiful and strong for my rigger as well". And you are.

There is somehow this misconception nowadays that there is not enough verbal content for the models during the workshops. That 'modelling skills' should be talked about almost as much as ‘rigging skills’. Surely, there are certain technical skills that help in being a rope model. And surely, they are more or less important depending on the style that you're being tied in. But I refuse to acknowledge that the only valuable content that a model can bring to the workshop is verbal content. That if 'modelling skills' are not being talked about, then there is no modelling content in the workshop.

Not everything needs to be talked about. Being a rope model, especially for semenawa, is such a strong internal somatic experience and it's so individual that observing someone else in it might actually be much more powerful than having it being explained to you. Because it's all about the feeling, about getting out of your head and into your body, into the experience. And having your head busy with analyzing whether you are activating the right muscles only gets in the way sometimes.

Respect your models because without them you wouldn't be able to tie

I loved how much emphasis Riccardo was putting on being grateful to Ale and all the models for giving themselves to their riggers. I have a feeling like this aspect is often missed, as the role of the model in Naka style seems so passive that we sometimes forget how much it takes to do these things. And it's not even so much about our technique or physical strength, but about our mental power and endurance. Even though we are not learning any technical skills, we allow the riggers to use our body and we train our minds to be able to take more and more so that they can become better in what we both love.

There was a very touching moment, after one of the emotionally very challenging ties when Ale was coming back to her senses, and some people started chatting loudly without respect for what had just happened. It must have been difficult for her, as it might make her feel like people didn't care about her experience when she was at her most vulnerable. Riccardo immediately took notice of it and asked people to be quiet and respect her headspace, which they did. I think that it was really beautiful and showed how much he cared about her. He did understand how much she was giving of herself, even if others didn't.

Of course, I know that a workshop is a special circumstance and as teachers (and as participants) you can't give each other as much care as you normally would if it was a session. But still, it's important to remember that, especially in semenawa, the emotional toll on the models is really high. We are tough and we can take it, but even small signs of appreciation really make a huge difference. The fact that I almost cried when at the end of the workshop Riccardo thanked all the models for their dedication is a good indication of that.

Showing appreciation for my suffering and letting me know that he sees my efforts is exactly what Soptik was doing during the entire workshop. Thanks to that I was able to take more for him than I would ever have thought I could and really surrender to all the experiences that he put me through. And I am really grateful to him for his support and recognition even amid the most technically challenging exercises. I felt truly seen.

I had already been in love with Naka style, but this workshop had made my love even stronger. Even though it was supposed to be a very technical workshop, it evoked a lot of strong feelings in me, because it’s impossible to fully separate the matter from the spirit in kinbaku. And the ability of Riccardo WIldties and RedSabbath to explain and make us understand something as esoteric as kinbaku is truly extraordinary. We need more teachers like that.

Last but not least, I have to mention this unforgettable quote from Riccardo here because we need not forget that in the end, kinbaku is a perverted art invented by dirty men wanting to do dirty things to innocent women:

Explaining his tie, ‘fucked up Gyaku ebi’, “You want to see the boobs, the ass and the face of the model all at the same time."

Isn't that poetic?

Lessons from the Masters of kinbaku, Akira Naka Sensei and Iroha Shizuki

Disclaimer: I am going to refer to the rigger in a male form and to the model in a female form throughout this writing for the ease of formulating my thoughts, but of course the gender has nothing to do with the role and I am not trying to imply that it does.

Recently, I had the privilege to take part in a kinbaku workshop from Akira Naka Sensei and Iroha Shizuki for the first time. I can’t even express how grateful I am for being able to see and experience Naka-san and Iroha-san live, and to be immersed in the beauty that they created together during those three unforgettable days. I am sure that I won’t be able to put into words everything that I’ve learned during the workshop, but there are certain things that were really impactful for me, and I want to preserve at least those here.

Kinbaku is about climbing the mountain together

I think that this was the most important and beautiful message that I took from this workshop. Kinbaku and semenawa are really about going through the hardship together. It is not about torturing the model with your ties, but about evoking the beauty that is in her, using your ropes, and feeling with her.

It was really beautiful when Naka-san shared with us how difficult it is for him to hurt his models, how compassionate he is for them and how he is suffering together with them. Semenawa is not about sadism. The point of it is not to hurt your model. You can do it in many other ways. The point of semenawa is to experience the suffering together with your partner, in order to come out of it stronger. It is about being there for each other, both partners willing and open and vulnerable. Both attuned to the needs of the other. Both fulfilling different, but complementary roles.

Of course, when practising semenawa, the rigger inflicts pain and suffering on the model and they both must be enjoying that aspect as well. But it is about more than that. I think that the point of Naka-san was that even though it's all consensual and they both enjoy it, it doesn't make it less difficult to cause another person pain. You need to have compassion for the person that you are hurting, you need to be able to read them and get into their skin. Otherwise, you will simply abuse them.

During the performance of Iroha-san and Naka-san, you could really see that they are giving everything to each other. And how that moment makes them stronger. The moment when the suffering ended and Naka-san took Iroha-san in his arms was one of the rawest and loving gestures I’ve ever seen. I truly appreciate how open and vulnerable they were with us. They didn’t withhold anything. And I think that this is what makes them so unique.

It was really special, when the day after the performance, Naka-san was telling us how much he feels for Iroha and how practising kinbaku makes his love for her even stronger, and you could feel that he was actually insecure when talking about it. He really opened up to us, and even for him, one of the most respected masters of kinbaku, it was a difficult moment. To me, it was really touching and proved his honesty.

It’s not about the patterns, but about extracting the beauty of your model in every moment

In each exercise, Naka Sensei repeated that the point of the exercise is not to replicate the sequence that he tied, but to get inspired and then adjust it to your model. Every person and every body is different. He wanted riggers to learn to look at their models, get the pattern out of their head and really be there with the model, with her beauty, feel what this moment needs to make it special.

He did create patterns for the purpose of the workshop but in general, he doesn't think in terms of patterns. After the initial position was finished, it was really fascinating to see how he moved from there, observing Iroha-san, adding and changing lines, each time accentuating her beauty and only moving forward when he felt like what he created was the best what he could do in this moment.

I think that riggers often get carried away in their pursuit of a certain position. They focus on the tie itself and forget about the person in their ropes. They are more driven by the end-result then the process, missing the beauty of the moment and the unique opportunities that each model and each moment gives them.

Naka-san repeated endlessly not to force anything. He was asking riggers not to let their ego get in the way, but to tie to their abilities, as it will create a much better experience, both for the rigger and for the model. Also, Iroha-san mentioned how unfair it is that the riggers often make models feel guilty if they can't take certain ties that Naka-san created, while they definitely shouldn’t feel guilty. They are there for the riggers, willing to give them their body and to suffer for them. The riggers should appreciate it and make the best out of it. Especially because usually if the model can't take something, it more often than not is because of the riggers technique lacking. Therefore, they should be humble and look at themselves first, before judging and blaming the model.

There is no one definition of kinbaku

Naka-san stressed that for him kinbaku is very individual. Each person has their own approach to it and their own point of view. He ties what feels natural to him, but he doesn’t think that his way is the only true way. He might not understand or have a feeling for what other people in rope bondage are doing, but it doesn’t make it any less valuable. In the end, each scene and each encounter are unique and should be treated as such.

Another thing that he mentioned, and that was very interesting, is that there is no final destination in kinbaku. It is a never-ending process. And for each person the path is different, and the point where they will end up will be different. For him, as a professional, the road will definitely not be the same as for someone who does it as a hobby. And it is fine. Each person chooses their own path and should not try to get ahead of himself. It is better to enjoy the process.

Both the rigger and the model should be grateful to each other and respect each other

It's really amazing how humble and appreciative of the model Naka-san is. He kept repeating how the riggers should appreciate and be grateful to their models for letting them tie them up. That the models are not their slaves (even if sometimes they like to play that they are). They give themselves to the rigger out of their free will and they deserve respect and gratitude for that.

Iroha-san was also saying that the models should feel free to communicate to the riggers anything that feels wrong or puts them in a position that they don't like. They shouldn't force themselves into things that they don't enjoy, just to please the rigger. They should like what is happening to them. Otherwise, they will start to hate kinbaku after a while. As a model, your body and mind are in some way being abused and if you don't enjoy it in some way, then it might quickly turn into a trauma. Without open communication, there is no kinbaku. It's simply an abuse.

One time, when Naka-san was putting the first wraps of the TK on Iroha-san, he revealed that it's one of his favourite moments because he can be so close to the model that he can almost hug her. Then he started joking that maybe while for him it feels amazing, the model suffers, thinking that she wants that perv away from her. Then he told the riggers that they need to stay healthy and clean, otherwise, their models will really feel like that and will hate them. It was a joke but it shows how self-aware and humble he is. Even though he is one of the best riggers in the world and there are tons of girls who dream to be tied by him, he still cares about the impression that he makes and the comfort of the model.

Kinbaku can be a risky art and you should be conscious about the risks that you are taking

One day, Naka-san told us a story of the rope that he is using. How he was looking for weeks with different sellers to find the right kind of rope for kinbaku. How he finally found it with Ogawa, and how they became popular thanks to him. How some people are complaining about its smell, and that it's not suitable for tying people. How nowadays you can buy rope that is specially made for kinbaku. And how in his opinion the people who buy this kind of rope are missing the point.

Because kinbaku is not supposed to be normal. You use the ropes not what they were created for, and it's an essential part of it. You do something perverted, dirty. You transform ordinary ropes into your tool of torment for the model. In this way you build their history, you make them special because of the way you use them. You will not obtain the same feeling with ropes that are made especially for kinbaku. They are too proper, too ‘clean’.

There is no lying to ourselves, kinbaku and semenawa are perverse and they bear risks. More than that, the perversion and the risks are what makes them exciting and beautiful. They are at the core of the practice. If you tie in a way that is safe and comfortable then the spirit of kinbaku is gone. Because it should be difficult and painful. Your ropes should be abusing the model in some way. In the end, kinbaku is a D/s practice.
And sometimes you take risks for the sake of beauty. You tie less safely because it is more aesthetically pleasing. It happens and it's perfectly fine. But when it happens, both the rigger and the model should be aware of what they are doing. It should be a conscious risk-aware decision of both partners. And until you are able to assess all the risks, you should put safety first.

As a model, you surrender to the tie and the rigger

Semenawa is not a power struggle. Rather, it is an expression of the model's surrender. The moment you let the rigger tie you, you already belong to him. Once in ropes, all you can do is to accept your faith and to do it gracefully.

The ties in Naka-san style are difficult and painful. They can also be exposing and objectifying. It is not a kind of rope that you would do with everybody, the same as you wouldn't enter a D/s dynamic with everybody. If you (as a model) decide to tie in this style, you need to be willing to suffer for the other person, to give yourself to them. And for that, you need to trust that they are going to respect your gift and care for you.

In almost any form of rope bondage, the model is in the power of the rigger. She can struggle, but in the end, the rigger has all the control. But I think that the difference between overpowering rope and semenawa is a bit like the difference between doing CNC and D/s. In both cases, the bottom doesn't have any power. But while in the first case it's being taken away from her, in the other she hands it over willingly.
And this is one of the things that makes Naka-san’s style so alluring to me. It is such a beautiful and deep expression of a D/s dynamic that exists between the rigger and the model. It’s a kind of rope that you can’t do casually. It requires an absolute devotion from both sides. And an immense amount of trust.

Semenawa ties are meant to be really challenging. They are asking the model to give everything of her. Personally, I am not able to go so far if I am doing it for myself only. If I tie for the sake of beauty or to challenge myself, I can only go so far. But when I am doing it for someone else, when I'm suffering for my rigger, only then I can overcome my limits and truly surrender to the tie. The fact that I am doing it for someone else, gives me an additional strength to persevere and to enjoy my perseverance.

Lots of lessons learned during this workshop. It's so inspiring to see how one of the biggest masters of kinbaku and his model approach rope. The way they talk about it made me see many things more clearly and put others in a completely different light. Especially, because kinbaku is a part of Naka-san and Iroha-san's culture, seeing them and hearing about their approach really changed my perspective on this beautiful art.

I'm not Japanese and I will never experience being tied in a way that a Japanese person does. And that's ok. But still, I feel like one of the keys to understanding what it is that draws me so much to kinbaku is understanding the culture that it comes from. Therefore, I'm so grateful to Naka-san and Iroha-san, not only for sharing their approach to rope with us but also for being so open and vulnerable and sharing so many beautiful stories. This experience was definitely a milestone on my journey.

Lessons on kinbaku and semenawa from Wildties, RedSabbath, WykD Dave and Clover

In September 2018 I participated in a unique workshop from Riccardo Wildties, RedSabbath, WykD Dave and Clover. It was a really unforgettable experience as it's in general unheard of to have two such great riggers teaching together and comparing their approaches in front of the students. I want to share my story of that experience, which contains both the knowledge that the teachers shared with us as well as my interpretation and loose thoughts on it.

The goal of the workshop was not to learn particular ties, but to understand better the language of kinbaku and to find your own voice in it. I loved everything about it. I loved how they were trying to explain and show what kinbaku is to them. I loved the abundance of concepts and the depth of thought that was presented. And I loved how open and honest the teachers were.

There is no kinbaku without fluent technique

The first day was all about technique. But not in the sense of learning complex technical ties. It was rather about the importance of perfecting your basics. And I couldn't agree more with the teachers.
Both Wildties and WykD Dave were stressing how everything starts with the basics. In Europe people often like to learn a lot of complicated patterns, thinking that it's an indication of how good they are. But copying the pattern without understanding it and being able to use it to evoke feelings is pointless. At least in the sense of kinbaku.

Kinbaku is not about rope. It's about using the rope as a tool to evoke sensations and emotions in the model. And to be able to do that, you need to have a perfect command of your tool. You have to not only know what you are doing but also why are you doing it. You have to understand the reasons behind every movement and placement of rope and perfect it so that you can apply it intuitively.

Of course, this way of tying requires a lot of devotion and practice. Real methodical relentless practice, where you repeat the same movements over and over again. Just applying the patterns that you've learned in play is not enough. You need conscious lab time when you tie the same thing repeatedly and analyse it.

As a model, I agree wholeheartedly. There is something very special about the way that the rope is used by the most experienced riggers that I’ve tied with. And it is not at all about the ties that they put me in, but about the fluency and deliberation with which they do it. The level to which they can control the rope. It almost feels like the rope is just an extension of their body. Their entire attention is on me and not on the tie. The level of connection that it creates is one of the best things that I’ve ever experienced in play.

This workshop made me realize that in order to be able to experience that, I, as a model, need to give space and opportunity for my riggers to practice. I am usually all about play and I might sometimes put pressure on people to always make it playful when they tie with me. I also am very fortunate to tie with amazing riggers who are at a level when practice is usually also play for them. What they are perfecting now is the communication through rope, even when they tie complex things. But still, after listening to Wildties and Dave, but also Clover and RedSabbath, I realized that the best thing that I can give to the rigger is my attention and honest feedback. And for that, I sometimes might need to tune down the play mode. I'm ready to do that if that means that it will lead to even more connection and better play in the future. So, my dear riggers, please tell me when you would like to tie with me for practice and feedback. I'm all yours also for that.

Fundamentals of kinbaku

After we discussed what you need to practice in order to make the rope a means instead of it being an end, we went on to talk about the actual end.
What is it that you want to communicate with your partner? And how can you use rope in order to achieve that? Rope is very versatile and the things that you can express with it are almost endless. But there are certain emotions and concepts that it is basically made for communicating. And these are at the core of kinbaku.

Distance and space

Space is very important in Japanese rope bondage. You can express a lot using it. Your model will experience different things depending on whether you are near or far, in front or behind her, but also above, at the same level or below. All these factors have also different impact, depending on how strong the dynamic between you and your model is. If it is strong, you can move further away and the model will still feel your presence. There is more trust in her that you won’t abandon her and you can play more with the subtle changes. If she doesn’t trust you yet, already a small distance can have a big impact.

So you can say something by distancing yourself from your model. But you can also use staying in touch to send a different message. By keeping the tension on the rope the entire scene, your model can feel your presence, which is both reassuring and asserting control. The moment you lose tension in the rope, you create distance. You should keep it in mind when tying, that anything that happens with the rope has an impact on your model. Dropping the tension is for the model like losing touch with the rigger. It can be a very powerful experience, which is not necessarily bad, as long as it is intentional.

Timing

You can express feelings using tempo, meaning both speed and rhythm. The same tie in a different tempo will have a very different feeling for your model. The change doesn’t have to be big. A subtle change can have a big impact if it is executed with care and your model is attuned to you.

Another aspect of timing in rope is using the pauses and acceleration. Everything that has a beginning also needs to end. It is especially prevailing in Naka style, because of the fact that you don’t extend the ropes, meaning that adding every new rope has a clear beginning, acceleration and end. The end is the moment for you to enjoy the tie and for your model to contemplate what is happening to her. Both you and the model need time to realize what is happening between you. Otherwise, things keep happening, but neither of you has the time to actually feel and enjoy them.

The end moment is not an end in the way that Westerners usually understand it. It is far from nothingness. It is rather a pause before the next part starts unfolding.

Even though each rope is a complete piece, one should always keep in mind that it is a part of something bigger. One rope is a part of a TK, a TK is a part of a tie, a tie is a part of a scene, a scene is a part of a sequence of scenes, and so on. Every single part is complete, but it is also a part of something bigger.

There is this concept of a buildup, they all add up to something bigger, each part more and more intense. The acceleration is happening not only in a single piece, but also throughout the entire scene, each rope being more intense than the previous, adding to the experience, but at the same time being a complete part on its own.

Progression

There is nothing worse than a flat rope scene. Therefore, there should be a progression in everything that you do. Every wrap that you put on the model should have more intention than the previous one and assert more and more control over her. The way to do it is not necessarily through more tension or force in the rope, but rather in you becoming more and more focused on the model. Each movement causing both of you to further immerse yourself in your bubble.

Apart from the progression of connection and intention, there is also a concept of progression throughout the scene. The tie keeps building up to something bigger and more intense. To make it even more interesting and at the same time more sustainable for your model, you should step back from time to time though.

Progression does not have to be linearly increasing. In fact, it's better if you step back sometimes, allowing your model to catch a breath. This way, the next time you strike, your model will be able to take more. Otherwise, if you keep striking hard without a break, she can easily be overwhelmed. In the end, you want her to take as much of your torture as possible. Therefore, it is better to give her some time to adjust, see where she is compensating and slowly take it away step by step.

Interaction

Kinbaku is not only about applying the rope on the body of your model but also using it to move your model and to control her. You want to talk to your model through rope, every move that you make should be intentional and have a meaning. You should also pay attention to whether your model actually understands your intention. Read her. Her body language will tell you a lot.

You should be able to control the movement of the model in every moment. Not using force, but because of her submission to you. She shouldn't change her position on her own accord. If she does, then it means that she is not yours yet.

Dominance and submission

Kinbaku is a D/s art, but a very subtle one. It is about seduction. You don’t want to force the terrible things that you have in mind onto someone. You want to seduce them into believing that this is what they want. Only then it is a real submission. In order to achieve that, you need to listen to your model and to the signals that she is sending you. If you are focused on your goal and not listening to her, she won’t submit. You will just force your will upon her, but she won’t be yours. And you want her to be yours. You want to control her experiences and create a bubble where all that she is thinking about is your next move.

Tying someone up is a way to show control. To make the other feel helpless and captured. But also to lull them into a false sense of security. You don’t want your model to keep fighting with you. You want her to feel good under your control. And to do that, you need to listen to what does and doesn’t feel good for her. Otherwise, you will only control her body, but it's her mind that you really want. And once you have it, it's up to your imagination what you want to make her feel. She is your playground and all the other kids are gone. The fun is all yours.

Where is the bottom in all that?

The workshop was amazing, but it seemed like it was all about the riggers. It made me think a lot about kinbaku and my role in it as a bottom. On the first sight, it seems like the role of the rigger is way more prominent and the model is a mere receiver. The importance of the skills of the rigger is definitely more visible and the skills itself are in a way easier defined. And they are very different from bottoming skills.

I think that the rigging skills are more tangible and standard, therefore easier to teach, in a way. I love following rope workshops and listening about tying, even though I have no intention of becoming a rigger myself. I still find hearing about the process fascinating. But I also often feel kind of strange during rope workshops as I'm very dependent on my rigger and there is no way that I can perform well if he doesn't.

I tend to be very ambitious and I am always striving to perfection. And that's why I sometimes find it difficult to be so dependent on my rigger in my development as a model. Because I feel like until he perfects his skills, the only thing that I can do is to give feedback. And to use what he is giving me at the moment.

I'm not saying that the role of the bottom is not important. But I feel that I can only start to create when my riggers give me space for it. And that comes with their skills. Because only once they have a good command of the ropes, can we start to play with our dynamic. That's when I can really express myself and grow. Before that, I need very different skills to help my rigger develop. I need to be able to analyse what is happening with my body and be critical about the experience. And I need to be able to give him constructive feedback. I used to not see it as ‘true’ bottoming skills and something that I want to develop. I used to just want to get lost in the experience. But I'm changing my mind.

And it were the partners of Dave and Wildties who made me change the way I think. When I asked Clover and RedSabbath how they feel about their role as rope bottoms and if they don't feel very passive sometimes, they gave me very interesting insights.

RedSabbath mentioned that for her the most crucial role of the bottom is to be the critic of the rigger. Really being honest about how they make you feel and what they can improve on. Conscious lab time, when you are really focused on tying is very important if you want to help him develop. In the end without you, the rigger can't improve. Without your feedback, he can only guess how he makes you feel. With your feedback, he can really grow and learn from his mistakes. You shape his awareness. Without you, there is no kinbaku.

Clover on the other hand explained how she feels very active in creating the scene as she is the one who is receiving riggers input, feeling it and communicating how it feels. When being in rope, she is developing her ‘bondage persona’, learning about her strong and weak sides and what feels good to her. In this way, they work very much together to create the best possible rope experience. There is a lot of self-discovery and learning for the bottom in that process. But that happens when the rigger overcomes the ‘technique’ obstacle and when the rope practice becomes a question of ‘what’ and not ‘how’.

Listening to all this, I realized that even though my role is very different than rigger’s, I still have many things that I can work on improving. I can work on giving feedback and being more conscious about what is happening with my body in ropes and how particular ties and behaviours of the rigger make me feel. I also realized that what I want to perfect is being beautiful and strong in ropes for my rigger. I can practice giving the best possible experience on my side and being grateful to the rigger for all the energy he puts into learning this difficult art.

At the same time, I also want to learn more about the Japanese culture, understand better where kinbaku comes from and what are its underlying principles in order to be able to better tune in this beautiful art and its aesthetics.

Finally, sometimes I just want to let go and give myself fully to the rigger. Let him play me like an instrument and take out all the beauty that is in my emotions and in my suffering. Because that is what we are ultimately striving to achieve.