Considerations on what constitutes the matter of kinbaku from Riccardo Wildties and RedSabbath

I've been extremely lucky to have recently participated in an unforgettable workshop, Xtreme Xclusive: Matter from Wildties and RedSabbath, as a model of one of the most talented riggers and amazing people that I know, Soptik. I don’t think that there is a need to add how huge influence it had on me and my development as a kinbaku model. Enormous.

Even though I’ve been worried about not being able to follow it, because of an arm injury that I’ve experienced at Eurix a week earlier, I survived all the challenging ties without a scratch (oh well, maybe a few) and had an amazing experience.

There are a couple of important realizations that arose from that workshop, that either have been shared by the teachers or other participants or just came to my mind, that I would like to talk about here.

Riggers

You learn the rules in order to break them at the right time

It was really fascinating to listen to Riccardo telling his students to break almost all the rules that he had taught them before. In his other workshops, he teaches how to execute Naka style ties perfectly. He explains each position and placement and teaches the standard way of tying that tie. Here, he was showing how to get out of the standard and break the perfection in order to express the mood and intensify the connection.

Because perfection is not what kinbaku is about. It's actually about the opposite. By breaking the rules you show your personality, make the tie yours. But you have to know how to apply the rules before you can break them. Otherwise, you are just ignorant and what you are doing is not showing personality but incompetence.

But when the time is right and when you reach the level of mastery that can inform your choices, sticking to the rules of a style religiously will prevent you from truly expressing yourself and the mood of the moment in your tying.

One tie does not rule them all

People in the West tend to learn a pattern and apply it thoughtlessly to every model, without consideration of how he or she is looking in the tie. Riccardo kept challenging the riggers to go beyond that habit and really look at what they've created so far and at their model in ropes and put the rope where they feel and not where they think it should be.

This created an entirely different experience. Both aesthetically, as it created more beautiful ties, but also mentally for us, models. You could feel that you are a part of the creative process of the rigger, instead of just being the means to his goal of putting your body in a certain position, that he is working with you and not despite you.

If you want your ropes to be clean, you need to clear your mind first

Riccardo kept saying that the riggers have to become more Japanese in how they are tying. It wasn't about conceptualizing the Japanese aesthetics, though, but about clearing your mind, so that you can let the inspiration flow through you.

There are certain standard ties that Europeans are able to tie in a Japanese way because they know the pattern well, but any time they try to deviate from the norm and change something, they become, as Riccardo calls it, ‘gothic’. That's because they think too much about the ropes, instead of observing and feeling them.

In Japanese aesthetics things are never perfect, there is always something unfinished, asymmetric, breaking the pattern. At the same time, those changes are very subtle. No big deviations, but rather small imperfections are what make the tie yours without losing its initial form. But only having a clear mind will let you see and feel the subtleties.

Using the right tie to evoke the right emotions in the model has everything to do with technique

I think that this was one of the most interesting concepts of this workshop because it's a paradigm shift for many riggers. People usually equate rope technique with their command of rope. The more ties you are able to execute, the neater they are, the faster you are and the better your rope handling skills are, the better your technique. It's partly true, but Riccardo shifted the focus, by saying that what good technique ultimately is, is being able to evoke the right emotions in your model at will.

Just as a brush is a tool for a painter, the rope is a tool for the rigger. And just as a painter paints with colours, the rigger paints with the emotions of the model. For a painter, knowing which brush to choose is a part of his technical skills in the same way as for the rigger is choosing the right tie.

I love this approach because it shifts the focus of the riggers from their ropes, which is a mere tool, to the models, which are the canvas. And that adds so much depth to the experience.

You should tie for yourself and not for your model

This concept might be a bit controversial, but I fully agree. I've heard it for the first time expressed by Soptik in his workshop 'Soptik's rope' during the Prague Shibari Festival last year. In the workshop, he had an exercise in which he was encouraging the riggers to tie something that they've always wanted to do, but they've never done because they thought that the model will not like it. He was asking the riggers this one time to tie for themselves and not for their models. To do whatever they feel like and see how it changes their experience.

A similar attitude was indicated by Riccardo during this workshop. He said that he always ties what he feels like and not what he thinks that his model (or the audience) wants. Only then he can deliver at his best. Even if it means tying the same tie over and over again, he will do it, because deviating from it will result in something suboptimal.

I love this approach because it intensifies the D/s dynamic enormously and it's very fulfilling for me as a submissive. The rigger has the power to do whatever he wants to do and he is executing it. He is in control. As a submissive, that's exactly what I want. If the dominant is focused on my comfort or pleasure, then the power dynamic is lost, because it is me who becomes a more important part of the equation. The balance is reversed.

If he ties for himself, I can feel that he is truly enjoying himself thanks to me. And that's extremely fulfilling and ultimately more enjoyable then if he would care for my pleasure directly. Also, it makes it more worthwhile to suffer through difficult ties. I make it for him and not for myself. And that makes all the difference.

Models

Surrender is not the same as dissociation

At some point, there was a question from one of the participants about how the surrender actually looks like, and why Japanese models are often so squirmy while in surrender, and Western models usually calm down and become less reactive in the same state of mind.

An immediate response that popped into my head and that was spelt out by NawaTaNeko seconds later was that surrender is not the same as dissociation. The models in the West often dissociate instead of surrendering, meaning that they distance themselves from their internal experiences, which often results in a freeze response, while surrender is actually opening up and letting all the experiences in. Surrender is an acceptance of your inner experience instead of its denial and that often leads to a strong external expression, which you can observe in Japanese models.

Another point that Riccardo raised was that in the West riggers are often not able to be there with the model if she is expressing her emotions. Squirming or screaming often leads to ending the scene. Therefore, models teach themselves to go more inwards, because they do not want to worry the rigger. Which is a shame, because by silencing themselves they might lose part of the experience.

Of course, every model is different and expresses herself differently. Some models naturally go more inwards. I, on the other hand, tend to be very expressive, which I used to treat as a sign of weakness, watching other models being so peaceful and calm. I even felt like my squirminess and being loud might be treated as a sign of disrespect towards my rigger. Like it might be taken as a complaint, which it definitely isn’t.

But watching more and more amazing models, like RedSabbath or NawaTaNeko, suffering and expressing themselves during semenawa sessions, I realized that there are power and beauty in strong self-expression. Being expressive means that I am not afraid to open up and to show what I am going through and that I want to incorporate the rigger in my experience. I am not expressing my feelings because I'm not able to take the tie otherwise. I am expressing them because I am fully open and I let everything spill out of me. I have nothing to hide. I am fully surrendered to my rigger and to the experience that he is giving me. And I trust him that he will stay there to witness me in it.

Showing true surrender inspires more than a thousand words

During the workshop both Ale and Riccardo were very tired as they've just come back from almost a month-long tour around the world. Partly because of that and partly because it's not her style, Ale was not talking much.

Two times during the workshop Riccardo asked her to describe her experience. Both times her descriptions were brilliant and so on point (I wish I was so articulate when my partner asks me to describe my experiences… I usually just say "It was tough, I thought that I can't take it, but I could."). But still, my impression is that according to the current standards of model involvement in a workshop, that's not a lot.

Even if she didn't talk at all, though, her presence and how much she was giving of herself was the best inspiration that I could get. It was amazing to see her take everything that Riccardo was putting her through, to see her break in relief after a difficult tie, to have her showing us her bare emotions. I can't imagine a better example of true surrender. The moment you see something like that, you think "I want to be so beautiful and strong for my rigger as well". And you are.

There is somehow this misconception nowadays that there is not enough verbal content for the models during the workshops. That 'modelling skills' should be talked about almost as much as ‘rigging skills’. Surely, there are certain technical skills that help in being a rope model. And surely, they are more or less important depending on the style that you're being tied in. But I refuse to acknowledge that the only valuable content that a model can bring to the workshop is verbal content. That if 'modelling skills' are not being talked about, then there is no modelling content in the workshop.

Not everything needs to be talked about. Being a rope model, especially for semenawa, is such a strong internal somatic experience and it's so individual that observing someone else in it might actually be much more powerful than having it being explained to you. Because it's all about the feeling, about getting out of your head and into your body, into the experience. And having your head busy with analyzing whether you are activating the right muscles only gets in the way sometimes.

Respect your models because without them you wouldn't be able to tie

I loved how much emphasis Riccardo was putting on being grateful to Ale and all the models for giving themselves to their riggers. I have a feeling like this aspect is often missed, as the role of the model in Naka style seems so passive that we sometimes forget how much it takes to do these things. And it's not even so much about our technique or physical strength, but about our mental power and endurance. Even though we are not learning any technical skills, we allow the riggers to use our body and we train our minds to be able to take more and more so that they can become better in what we both love.

There was a very touching moment, after one of the emotionally very challenging ties when Ale was coming back to her senses, and some people started chatting loudly without respect for what had just happened. It must have been difficult for her, as it might make her feel like people didn't care about her experience when she was at her most vulnerable. Riccardo immediately took notice of it and asked people to be quiet and respect her headspace, which they did. I think that it was really beautiful and showed how much he cared about her. He did understand how much she was giving of herself, even if others didn't.

Of course, I know that a workshop is a special circumstance and as teachers (and as participants) you can't give each other as much care as you normally would if it was a session. But still, it's important to remember that, especially in semenawa, the emotional toll on the models is really high. We are tough and we can take it, but even small signs of appreciation really make a huge difference. The fact that I almost cried when at the end of the workshop Riccardo thanked all the models for their dedication is a good indication of that.

Showing appreciation for my suffering and letting me know that he sees my efforts is exactly what Soptik was doing during the entire workshop. Thanks to that I was able to take more for him than I would ever have thought I could and really surrender to all the experiences that he put me through. And I am really grateful to him for his support and recognition even amid the most technically challenging exercises. I felt truly seen.

I had already been in love with Naka style, but this workshop had made my love even stronger. Even though it was supposed to be a very technical workshop, it evoked a lot of strong feelings in me, because it’s impossible to fully separate the matter from the spirit in kinbaku. And the ability of Riccardo WIldties and RedSabbath to explain and make us understand something as esoteric as kinbaku is truly extraordinary. We need more teachers like that.

Last but not least, I have to mention this unforgettable quote from Riccardo here because we need not forget that in the end, kinbaku is a perverted art invented by dirty men wanting to do dirty things to innocent women:

Explaining his tie, ‘fucked up Gyaku ebi’, “You want to see the boobs, the ass and the face of the model all at the same time."

Isn't that poetic?