My reflections on giving blowjobs
I’ve been told that I have amazing blowjob giving skills. I don’t know if it is true but if it is, I think that it's not really about my technique or physical capabilities. In that realm, there are many things that I could improve. Rather, I believe that it's about my devotion during the act and about my stamina.
Blowjobs are a special sexual activity because they are purely focused on the pleasure of the receiver. In principle, there is no physical satisfaction that I could be getting out of it myself (it so happens that I am sometimes having intense orgasms from giving blowjobs, but I will leave that out of this writing because it's a very special case and it's out of my control). So the purpose of the act is to give pleasure to the other without being pleasured myself.
I think that the reason why blowjobs given by me feel so special is that I'm totally selfless in the act. I do it purely for him and I don't expect anything in return. I don't ask myself whether he will return the favour because I know that he won't. And that's what makes me happy. I don't want the pleasure to be reciprocated. My only purpose is to serve and that's how I want it to be. My reward is being allowed to be around him and to make him happy. And that's all I desire.
The moment that I take his cock into my mouth, the only thing that matters to me is pleasing him. Everything else disappears. Time stops. It's a bit like meditation (maybe it even is one of my natural meditative states). Up, down, up, down, lick the tip, go down and stick out your tongue, repeat. I can go on like that for hours and I completely lose track of the time. My head becomes empty. There is nothing to think about as my purpose at that moment is clear. To suck his cock.
And somehow, even though I've said the opposite, having his cock in my mouth is a pleasure to me in a way. It's such a sensitive and special piece of him that he allows me to cherish. How could I not appreciate that? I feel very special to be allowed to be close to him in this way. To take him into my mouth, to caress him with my tongue and lips. It's a privilege to be allowed to get so close to him, to take care of his happiness. To be a source of relief and relaxation.
I never think if and when it will finish. I don't try to bring him to orgasm. It's not me who is directing the situation and I wouldn't even try to. He'll cum when he feels like it and he'll use me for it in a way that he sees fit, by fucking my throat, choking me on his cock or ordering me to go faster and bring him to orgasm. And then the moment when he pushes himself really deep into my throat and feels it with his sperm makes me so radiant. HE ENJOYED HIMSELF!
It's not like I do it always singing inside and without any effort, though. It is hard work. After a while my knees and calves start to hurt from kneeling, my shoulders and arms ache from keeping my hands behind my back, my back and neck hurt from the up and down movement. My lips become numb and my throat sore from being filled with something too big to actually fit in there. But I ignore it and go on because that's my service to him. My devotion is bigger than my discomfort.
I don't even consider the possibility of stopping. Because how could I stop if he wants me to go on? It is unthinkable of. The only reason that I would stop is if I would drop out of exhaustion. Until I'm physically capable of continuing, I will. And I'm pretty strong, so I don't think that it would happen quickly.
I love blowjobs because of their one-sidedness. During PIV sex I tend to feel kind of guilty if I cum because it shouldn’t be about me, but I am making it as such. Here I don't have this risk. It's clear that I'm not going to get any physical pleasure from it that it is all about him. And that’s why I love it.
Because I don't deserve to be pleased. All I deserve is to be used and discarded afterwards. And what gives a better opportunity for such a treatment than giving someone a blowjob?
