Everything you ever wanted to know about (female) rope modelling outfits but you were afraid to ask

Photo by RothR.

I put quite a lot of attention to what I am wearing for a rope scene because I believe that it has a big influence on my interaction with the rigger. Like with everything, learning what that influence actually is has been a journey for me. Rope fashion is not a topic as deep as exploring limits, losing control, eroticism, handling rejection, or being patient which I have explored in the past. However, that does not mean that it doesn’t have a significant impact on the way I receive rope. Or that it is less important.

In general, I like beautiful clothes and I like how what I wear can influence my identity, not only in ropes. Paying attention to such things is often seen as vain but I do not think that it has to be. Clothes are a big part of our lives, we wear them every day, and I believe that treating such a fundamental activity with care permeates other aspects of our lives as well. Putting attention to what you wear can be vain if it becomes your master but it can also be a powerful tool of self-expression if you master it. 

Your outfit is a strong non-verbal message perceived immediately upon seeing you, often without even realizing it. It also can influence the way that you perceive yourself. Wearing a beautiful garment for a meeting is an expression of respect and interest. The style you chose indicates your attitude and the quality of your attention for the occasion. And even people who at first sight seem not to care about their appearances are actually sending a powerful message. For example, people who do not adjust their clothing to the occasion, who always wear the same thing, build an aura of mystery and make themselves more difficult to read. Since they always look the same, their intentions become more obscure to the onlooker, keeping them on the edge.

As in life, in ropes my clothes influence the way that I feel and the way I am perceived by the rigger. Through that, outfits also influence the ties that I will end up being tied in. Additionally, some garments require skill from the rigger to handle them well and what you wear might have an impact on the quality of your scene if your rigger does not possess these skills.

I have tried many styles and designs of clothes for tying. Here is a list of them (with one exception) in order, more or less, from my least to most favorite. I hope that it will help create a better understanding of how what you wear as a female model affects your scene and will prevent at least a couple of unsuccessful shopping choices. 

Leggins and sport outfits

They are comfortable and easy to tie in. But, to be honest, I am not sure if you ever need to be that comfortable in ropes. I guess that they can be good for practice but they definitely do not create an atmosphere encouraging to turn it into something more. I used to wear them in the past and even invested in a couple of more ‘sexy’ sports outfits but have recently resigned from them altogether. Even the ‘sexy’ ones are still kind of sporty. And personally, even when I model for someone for practice, I still like to feel feminine. It helps me to enter the mindset of softness and vulnerability that I like to cultivate in ropes. 

Verdict: Depending on what you are looking for, they can work. Do not work for me because of the specificity of what I am looking for in ropes.

Lingerie

It is sexy, definitely, but to me wearing it kind of robs the scene of some mystery. I like to feel innocent at the beginning of a session and then have the rope gradually peel off that innocence. Starting a scene wearing lingerie only, especially sexy lingerie, gives an impression of flirtiness and confidence which is the opposite of what I want to emanate in ropes. Plus, it pretty much shows everything right from the start. There is not much for the rigger to discover once they finally have the power to explore whatever they felt like exploring. If you present yourself in lingerie right away, you give them one less reason to want to tie you as they can already see everything they wanted to see. 

Verdict: It can make one look sexy and beautiful but do not attract the kind of pervs that I am interested in. It also creates a mindset that clashes with the way I usually want to feel in ropes. I sometimes wear it when I want to feel hot and desired but it does not work for most of the styles that I like to be tied in. 

Leotards

They are pretty sexy and at the same time easy to tie. They fit the body accentuating its natural shape. Their tight fit makes sure that no folds or creases unnoticed by your rigger will deform your body in ropes. On the other hand, because they are showing so much, they do not leave much to the imagination. Additionally, they do not provide much opportunity for the rigger to play with undressing you. You are covered a bit more than in lingerie, but still, pretty much everything is visible or easily imaginable. Additionally, depending on their design, they can have a gymnastics outfit vibe which I don’t particularly like in ropes.

Verdict: Good for a workshop or practice when the rigger needs to focus on rope and not handling your clothes. Not the best choice for steamy semenawa rope scenes for reasons listed above for lingerie. 

Naked

Being tied naked definitely solves the issue of handling your clothes by your partner. At the same time, it strips you off any potential mystery. To me, it has its special charm, however. It makes me feel truly below the person tying me right from the start of the scene (especially if they are not naked which is pretty much always the case). There is no question that I am the vulnerable one and that I am going to be toyed with. Contrary to what one might expect, exposing ties gain more power when I am tied naked because they rob me of the hope of somehow hiding my nakedness. Having my legs spread or my body open in general (chest up, head up) makes it clear that I can’t hide and intensifies the struggle of being exposed.

Verdict: Not my go-to (lack of) outfit but I do enjoy it from time to time in skillful hands. It can enhance shame or humiliation play. I only get tied naked if I am ordered to. 

Skirts

Recently I’ve developed a taste for wearing skirts for tying, especially long ones, extending at least below the knee. They work for pretty much the same reasons as dresses (see below) and I like them because they allow for more diversity (by matching different tops) than dresses. Also, I can wear a stretchy top (good for exposing the breasts) and a non-stretchy skirt (flowy and beautifully looking in suspensions). The only problem with them is that because your outfit will be two parts instead of one your rigger needs to pay more attention to keeping all the moving parts looking good. It can get messy and they should pay attention to keeping the mess aesthetically pleasing (unless they do not care but I do believe that visual dimension is a big part of rope bondage and that it should be mastered by the rigger next to handling the ropes. Once they have mastered it, they can make you ugly if they please but only if it is on purpose and not out of ignorance.)

My favourite skirts for tying:

• Medium length or longer, flowy, wrap skirts,

• Medium length buttoned on the entire length, flowy, with slits.

Verdict: Skirts are a great outfit for tying! As long as your rigger is able to handle their potential as they can be more tricky than dresses to drape around the body. 

Dresses

Dresses are probably my favorite ‘everyday’ outfit for tying. The stretchy short ones with slightly wider skirts are perfect for any kind of scene. They make me feel feminine and pretty, putting me in the right mindset for the scene. At the same time, they are comfortable and easy to handle for the rigger (stretchy fabrics and short design do not create too many hurdles when it comes to handling the clothes of the model and they usually wrap nicely around the body).

Longer dresses require more skill from the rigger to drape properly and do not work so nicely for any kind of tie. They work better for slower and a bit more static ties (usually they are a great choice for ties in the Naka style). They have great potential for playing with exposure. They give one a feeling of being dignified and elegant at the beginning of the scene which later on can be delightfully broken. 

My favorite types of dresses for tying:

• Wrap dresses, short and medium, best if it is possible to open it for real (more potential for hot undressing), with short sleeves or straps.

• Buttoned dresses (through the entire length), short, medium, long.

• Shirt dresses (buttons - great for exposure play), any length, I would keep the sleeves short so that the wrists stay bare. 

• Tight stretchy mini dresses - only if you don’t mind your panties being exposed, the chance is very high as the dress will travel up the moment you raise a leg. They are very sexy although they make you look a bit slutty. At the same time, they are still more mysterious than lingerie.

My favorite fabrics are natural because they can breathe and are much more pleasant to wear in the heat of the moment of struggle:

• Stretchy cotton,

• Viscose,

• Cotton (non-stretchy),

• Silk.

Verdict: Dresses are simply the best for tying. You can never have enough of them. Adjust the design (especially the length and fabric) to the style and the tie. 

Juban

I love being tied in a juban. I love how shielded and protected it makes me feel. And I love how slow and meticulous undressing makes me feel the barest and exposed that I have felt so far. I love the ritual of putting it on and being undressed from it in ropes. And I love the beauty and the intricacy of their patterns and fabrics (especially the vintage ones). 

They do, however, require a skillful rigger to handle them well and undress the model in a way that is beautiful and accentuates their body instead of making it grotesquely deformed. And they do require the knowledge of how to put them on in the right way (which is far from easy). I do not think there is anything wrong with a Westerner wearing a Japanese garment as long as they handle it with respect and care for the tradition that it came from. I don’t see why I should not wear them if I find them beautiful and wearing them makes me feel special. So I do.

Verdict: Being tied in a juban is a unique experience. To me, it is not something for everyday tying but it sure makes a scene special and I love to be tied in it by skilled riggers who know how to handle it. It is a skill of its own but one worth learning and experiencing, especially if you appreciate other aspects of Japanese aesthetics.  

Kimono

I must admit, I have never been tied (or have worn) a full kimono. I do realize that both putting it on as well as handling it in rope is much more complex than only the undergarment (juban). Visually, I find them absolutely stunning but looking at the number of layers and complexity of the process of putting them on I do not think that it will be my favorite outfit for tying. Also, because of the number of layers, I expect one to get extremely hot wearing it for demanding ties. And one needs a truly knowledgeable rigger with an eye for the to expose one in style in a kimono. 

Despite all that, I would love to get tied in a kimono one day as I find them absolutely beautiful and I expect their complex construction might be giving me an interesting feeling of being trapped in my garments even before getting tied. They look beautiful in pictures and performances but are not an outfit for every-day tying. 

Verdict: No verdict as I haven’t tried it yet but it is something that I am looking forward to trying. I do not expect it to be my favourite, though. More something for really special occasions. 

As you can see, I put quite a lot of attention to the clothes I wear when I am being tied and I believe that I have learned to make them work for me. Because of what I am looking for in ropes, feminine pieces of clothing such as skirts and dresses are my favorites as they make me feel more beautiful delicate and feminine, and at the same time allow the rigger to play with the exposure and leave the decision of how exposed I am going to be to them. I change the lengths and fabrics to set my mood but in general, I always like to keep my rope clothing easy (or at least possible) to undo and expose me. Depending on the purpose of the scene (practice, workshop, session) I might go for more or less comfortable. Depending on the skill of the rigger and their eye for the detail, I might go for more or less easy to handle. 

Finally, being tied in a juban is for me something very special and I am looking forward to experiencing being tied also in other Japanese garments. They have a visual beauty that I find very appealing but also the experience of being undressed from their layers is intense and unique, something that I have not been able to find so far wearing western clothing.

Lessons on the poetics of kinbaku from Barkas and Addie

A while ago I participated in a workshop by Barkas and Addie on their interpretation of Yukimura style at the beautiful Atelier Simonet in Paris. The number of inspiring concepts in that workshop was so enormous that it took me a while to process them into a condensed form. I finally did it and here are the most important thoughts that were born during or as a result of the workshop.

They are not general truths about kinbaku (do general truths about kinbaku even exist?), but rather concepts that can be inspiring and help one to get into a certain mindset. To me this workshop was eye-opening in many ways, the crown jewel being the first concept that I am going to talk about.

Rope bondage is in its essence a form of a dance

Throughout the workshop, we did exercises that were circling around this idea, even though we didn't talk about it specifically. One time, Barkas said that the aim of doing rope for him is 'to move his partner so that he is moved as a result'. And isn't that what dancing (at least partnered dancing) is?

When dancing, we move our bodies, put them in certain positions in order to evoke feelings in ourselves, in our partners and in the audience. In rope, we do exactly the same. And even though the music is not an essential part of a rope scene, we still move in a certain rhythm, certain tempo when tying. A good scene should be timed well, the ropes and the body manipulations coming at exactly the right moment and not randomly. Only then, you can get into the feeling of flow with your partner and get lost in the fluidity of your experience.

We dance to the silences and to the rhythms of our hearts. To the sounds of our breaths and the ropes caressing our bodies. We don't interpret the music that we hear outside of our bodies, but the one that is within us.

Another 'dancy' element in rope bondage is the presence of a leader (the rigger) and a follower (the model), which we also observe in many partnered dances. The rigger proposes to the model to put their body in a certain position, to which the model gives an emotional response. They respond with their interpretation of the position in a form of an emotional expression, which in turn moves the rigger.

One of the most beautiful and important concepts that I learned from my tango teachers was that in tango the leader provides a structure, a frame, into which the follower pours their emotions. The follower fills the dance with their passion, inspiring the leader and moving them emotionally. And it is an essential role of the follower as the leader already has to think about the structure of the steps and managing their and their partner's positions on the dancefloor. If they have to focus on filling the dance with emotions as well, it will be simply too much put on their plate. Therefore, it's the role of the follower to fill the empty frame of the steps with beauty. I like to think that in rope bondage similar rules apply.

Rope bondage is more about leading and following than it is about rope

One of the more interesting exercises, illustrating how much in the end rope bondage is about leading and following, was an exercise where we were tying without ropes. Barkas asked the riggers to tie one of the classic Yukimura style ties, but without using the ropes. It was a partial suspension with the model lying on her side, involving a TK and with one leg of the model raised. The challenge was not to force the position, but to use your will, the time, the context and the mind of your model in order to get them where you want them to be. Surprisingly, it worked very well.

When both partners are focused on each other, when they understand each other’s vocabulary (which was partly fixed here because of the context of a rope scene) and when the roles are clear, the rope becomes in a way redundant. Of course, using rope does give an opportunity to create shapes that without it would not be possible, and causes an enhancement of the experience, but they are not essential for creating the experience itself that being in rope is.

No matter how weird that might sound, rope is only a tool and not the central point of a rope scene. The central point is to experience the connection with each other, to move and to be moved, to assert and fill the roles of a rope bondage scene and see where it will bring you. And as Barkas showed us, you don’t necessarily need rope in order to achieve that.

The torture of Yukimura style is not about being captured, but about being (almost) free

Contrary to, for example, Naka style in which the model is often progressively bound tighter and tighter until at some point she can barely move, the ropes in Yukimura style are quite loose and the model has a lot of freedom. This creates an illusion of having a choice and as a result captures the mind of the model, not allowing him/her to let go. It's more difficult to accept what is happening to you when you constantly feel like you could almost free yourself.

In Naka style, the ropes often form a tight cage impossible to miss and the model feels very acutely that they are captured. Paradoxically, this immobilization of the body often allows the mind to let go and free itself.

Yukimura style feels more like a house arrest in which you wear an electronic bracelet tracking your location. There are moments when you feel like you are completely free, walking around the house, but then you touch the border of your invisible cage and you are reminded again that you are not. In this way, you relive the realization and drama of being captured each time when you are reminded of your captivity. Because of that, you are stuck in this experience, and it's very hard to let go and accept your faith.

Additionally, the combination of eroticism, shame and humiliation which are ever-present in Yukimura style together with capturing of the mind can be very powerful. Giving the model an illusion of freedom makes the shame and humiliation much harder to accept because they feel like they could almost escape it, and because of that, the feelings become even more intense.

Good technique is a means to gain the trust of the model

At certain points throughout the workshop, Barkas would give some technical tips and tricks to the riggers. What was interesting for me were not the tips themselves, as I'm not a rigger and I don't intend to be, but the reasons he gave for applying them, which was gaining the trust of your model and lulling them into a sense of security. If you have good technique and you know how to handle your rope and manipulate the body of your model, you seem like you really know what you are doing. And that is what the model needs in order to trust you.

As Addie mentioned, technical things in rope are something that you don't notice when they are done right, but you acutely notice when done wrong. It breaks your trust, as a model, because fiddling with rope and doing unnecessary movements gives an impression that the rigger doesn't know what he or she is doing. And that definitely makes the model doubt whether they should put their health, and possibly life, in the hands of this person.

I like this approach to stressing the importance of good technique to the riggers because it gives the ‘why’ that makes sense and has a depth to it. You don’t want your technique to be good in order to impress someone or to stroke your ego. You want it because it is needed in order to gain the trust of your model, which in turn will result in amazing scenes.

Once again, the models and their reactions should be at the centre of attention

This notion comes back over and over again in my learning, yet so little riggers apply it. It doesn't mean that you tie for the model but that your goal is to elicit a reaction and not just tie a certain pattern.

Barkas told us an interesting story of how he was trying to learn one of the classic ties of Yukimura sensei and how he kept getting it wrong, but he didn't know why. He would think that he tied the tie perfectly and then Yukimura sensei would come and tell him that it's wrong again, adjust the rope a couple of millimetres and then walk away, content.

Barkas couldn't figure out how to repeat the exact pattern of Yukimura sensei successfully since it seemed like he was so deadly precise. Until one day when sensei was showing him the tie again, he started to look at the face of the model instead of the ropes. And then everything became clear. It was not a pattern that Yukimura sensei was looking for, but the expression on the face of the model. If he achieved the result that he was looking for, he was content. The pattern was not always exactly the same, it would change depending on the day and the model, but the end expression was.

So please riggers, remember to look at your models when you create shapes with their bodies. The models are a part of the tie and only if they fill your ropes with their being, will your tie become a perfection.

Rope scenes are Other Spaces where the reality is governed by different rules

During the workshop Barkas mentioned at some point that in his opinion rope scenes are heterotopias. In terms of Foucault definition:

Heterotopia is a certain cultural, institutional and discursive space that is somehow 'other': disturbing, intense, incompatible, contradictory or transforming. Heterotopias are worlds within worlds, mirroring and yet upsetting what is outside. - Wikipedia

Looking at the above description it's hard not to agree with him. Entering a rope scene transports you into another dimension, in a way. In principle, you still are in the same real tangible world, in a room or any other physical space where the rope scene takes place, but at the same time, your and your partner’s minds travel somewhere completely else.

Rope allows you to let go of your day-to-day worries and immerse yourself exclusively in your sensations and the connection with your partner. It takes away the physical freedom of the model, often causing them to go inwards and confront what's inside of them and what they were trying to avoid in their daily lives. As for the rigger, I can imagine that it also frees their mind as they become hyper-focused on the model and because of that let go of everything else.

Also, the rules and norms of everyday life don't apply in ropes. It's a special space where it is ok to take away the other person's freedom and at the same time to be intimate with them, to open up fully to the other person and allow them to penetrate or even violate you. It's a space where you can let go of the social norms and adopt new (often D/s-governed) ones. What is interesting is that through rope any space can become a heterotopia. Once we enter into a rope scene in a certain space, we transform it into something ‘other’, which is governed by different rules and where time and space are distorted.

According to Foucault, the function of the heterotopia is unfolding between two extremes: between providing an illusion that exposes the real world as still more illusory, and providing a space of perfection to compensate for the flaws of real life. I think that in rope we can see both these extremes and anything in between. On one hand, by creating an illusion of certain situations (being captured, violated) it elicits emotions in us, which feel real, even though the threat is not. Thanks to that, it lets us reflect on the nature of emotions in general and might give us some space to evaluate what we feel in real life as well. On the other hand, it gives us an opportunity to get lost in this perfect moment of connection, to forget about everyday life and experience a pure moment of connection with another human being.

Silence is also music (or there is no such thing as silence)

At some point, Barkas was recalling a story of a composition by American experimental composer John Cage, entitled 4’33’’ in which the musicians do not play their instruments during the entire duration of the piece and the music is created out of the sounds of the environment that the listeners hear while it is performed. The point of the composer was to show that any sounds may constitute music.

I think that another interesting thing about this piece is that the sounds of the environment indeed become music for the listeners because their attitude is that of listening to a piece of music. And because of this change of perspective, they become much more sensitive and attentive to sound, and they start to notice and listen to something that they would normally ignore.

One of the things that Barkas was trying to make us realize is that in rope there is no such thing as lack of tying (even if the rigger does not make any movements). Throughout the duration of the scene, each position of the rigger has a meaning and communicates something to the model, making them feel. A break in tying or a lack of movement is also a form of communication. It also makes the model feel.

The same way as when musicians didn’t play, the audience started to listen to what is around them, when you don’t actively move the model emotionally, they start to be moved by their own emotions. You provide space for them to feel what is inside them, and because of the context of taking part in a rope scene and being highly attentive to what they are feeling, they go there. And it can be a very powerful experience. Therefore, the rigger does not always need to induce the emotions on the model by constantly moving their body or adding more rope. By stepping aside a bit and letting them experience the ‘silence’, they can also make them feel a lot. It can be difficult to step back sometimes, but ultimately it can facilitate an even more powerful scene.

We will never be able to read each other 100% correctly and that's ok

We also talked about the fact that no matter how hard you try, you will never be able to tell 100% what is happening in the head of your partner, but it is alright because such accuracy is not needed. When tying together, we both tell ourselves stories about what is happening to us and to the other person. We also try to read the story of the other, guessing from their body language what is happening to them. Not all of these guesses will be correct, but as long as they are not completely off and you can get the general direction of where your partner is, you can try to direct them where you want them to go.

You will never find out for sure if you succeeded, though (you can always ask afterwards but then their recollections might already be distorted because of your question). Like with a book or a poem, the moment your actions leave your body and try to influence the other, they start to live their own life. Your initial purpose is dead and the model starts to interpret them in their own way, like a person who reads a poem would. Most of the time your intention will be preserved in some part but new meanings will be added to it. And that is beautiful.

It always reminds me of the fact that even in the most intimate moments between the two people, you can never become one. There is always this barrier of the two minds getting close to each other, but never close enough. It can make you feel sad and lonely, but it can also make you appreciate how special it is when for a short moment you do manage to get close.

Even though what Barkas and Addie were showing us was so different from the rope that I usually practice, there were also some repeating themes from other teachings that I followed, like the focus on the reactions of the model instead of the ties, the importance of breaks in tying, the importance of good technique, the strong D/s element in the bondage and the eroticism of it.

It seems to me that Yukimura style in Barkas interpretation is extremely focused on mental domination and manipulating the emotions of the model, more than on the actual ties. Personally, I find it absolutely fascinating and thrilling. I love how because of the simplicity of the rope in this style, the entire focus is on the model and the art of creating something beautiful with their emotions. And I love the recognition of the beauty that is in the shame and humiliation.

This workshop showed me that, indeed, there is a lot of poetry in kinbaku. It made me slow down and see the beauty in the details. It made me think of what kinbaku is and what it isn’t, and reorganize my own ideas about it. And because it was so different from what I usually do, it enriched my practice of kinbaku in new and unexpected ways. And I am grateful to Addie and Barkas for that.

Lessons on kinbaku and semenawa from Wildties, RedSabbath, WykD Dave and Clover

In September 2018 I participated in a unique workshop from Riccardo Wildties, RedSabbath, WykD Dave and Clover. It was a really unforgettable experience as it's in general unheard of to have two such great riggers teaching together and comparing their approaches in front of the students. I want to share my story of that experience, which contains both the knowledge that the teachers shared with us as well as my interpretation and loose thoughts on it.

The goal of the workshop was not to learn particular ties, but to understand better the language of kinbaku and to find your own voice in it. I loved everything about it. I loved how they were trying to explain and show what kinbaku is to them. I loved the abundance of concepts and the depth of thought that was presented. And I loved how open and honest the teachers were.

There is no kinbaku without fluent technique

The first day was all about technique. But not in the sense of learning complex technical ties. It was rather about the importance of perfecting your basics. And I couldn't agree more with the teachers.
Both Wildties and WykD Dave were stressing how everything starts with the basics. In Europe people often like to learn a lot of complicated patterns, thinking that it's an indication of how good they are. But copying the pattern without understanding it and being able to use it to evoke feelings is pointless. At least in the sense of kinbaku.

Kinbaku is not about rope. It's about using the rope as a tool to evoke sensations and emotions in the model. And to be able to do that, you need to have a perfect command of your tool. You have to not only know what you are doing but also why are you doing it. You have to understand the reasons behind every movement and placement of rope and perfect it so that you can apply it intuitively.

Of course, this way of tying requires a lot of devotion and practice. Real methodical relentless practice, where you repeat the same movements over and over again. Just applying the patterns that you've learned in play is not enough. You need conscious lab time when you tie the same thing repeatedly and analyse it.

As a model, I agree wholeheartedly. There is something very special about the way that the rope is used by the most experienced riggers that I’ve tied with. And it is not at all about the ties that they put me in, but about the fluency and deliberation with which they do it. The level to which they can control the rope. It almost feels like the rope is just an extension of their body. Their entire attention is on me and not on the tie. The level of connection that it creates is one of the best things that I’ve ever experienced in play.

This workshop made me realize that in order to be able to experience that, I, as a model, need to give space and opportunity for my riggers to practice. I am usually all about play and I might sometimes put pressure on people to always make it playful when they tie with me. I also am very fortunate to tie with amazing riggers who are at a level when practice is usually also play for them. What they are perfecting now is the communication through rope, even when they tie complex things. But still, after listening to Wildties and Dave, but also Clover and RedSabbath, I realized that the best thing that I can give to the rigger is my attention and honest feedback. And for that, I sometimes might need to tune down the play mode. I'm ready to do that if that means that it will lead to even more connection and better play in the future. So, my dear riggers, please tell me when you would like to tie with me for practice and feedback. I'm all yours also for that.

Fundamentals of kinbaku

After we discussed what you need to practice in order to make the rope a means instead of it being an end, we went on to talk about the actual end.
What is it that you want to communicate with your partner? And how can you use rope in order to achieve that? Rope is very versatile and the things that you can express with it are almost endless. But there are certain emotions and concepts that it is basically made for communicating. And these are at the core of kinbaku.

Distance and space

Space is very important in Japanese rope bondage. You can express a lot using it. Your model will experience different things depending on whether you are near or far, in front or behind her, but also above, at the same level or below. All these factors have also different impact, depending on how strong the dynamic between you and your model is. If it is strong, you can move further away and the model will still feel your presence. There is more trust in her that you won’t abandon her and you can play more with the subtle changes. If she doesn’t trust you yet, already a small distance can have a big impact.

So you can say something by distancing yourself from your model. But you can also use staying in touch to send a different message. By keeping the tension on the rope the entire scene, your model can feel your presence, which is both reassuring and asserting control. The moment you lose tension in the rope, you create distance. You should keep it in mind when tying, that anything that happens with the rope has an impact on your model. Dropping the tension is for the model like losing touch with the rigger. It can be a very powerful experience, which is not necessarily bad, as long as it is intentional.

Timing

You can express feelings using tempo, meaning both speed and rhythm. The same tie in a different tempo will have a very different feeling for your model. The change doesn’t have to be big. A subtle change can have a big impact if it is executed with care and your model is attuned to you.

Another aspect of timing in rope is using the pauses and acceleration. Everything that has a beginning also needs to end. It is especially prevailing in Naka style, because of the fact that you don’t extend the ropes, meaning that adding every new rope has a clear beginning, acceleration and end. The end is the moment for you to enjoy the tie and for your model to contemplate what is happening to her. Both you and the model need time to realize what is happening between you. Otherwise, things keep happening, but neither of you has the time to actually feel and enjoy them.

The end moment is not an end in the way that Westerners usually understand it. It is far from nothingness. It is rather a pause before the next part starts unfolding.

Even though each rope is a complete piece, one should always keep in mind that it is a part of something bigger. One rope is a part of a TK, a TK is a part of a tie, a tie is a part of a scene, a scene is a part of a sequence of scenes, and so on. Every single part is complete, but it is also a part of something bigger.

There is this concept of a buildup, they all add up to something bigger, each part more and more intense. The acceleration is happening not only in a single piece, but also throughout the entire scene, each rope being more intense than the previous, adding to the experience, but at the same time being a complete part on its own.

Progression

There is nothing worse than a flat rope scene. Therefore, there should be a progression in everything that you do. Every wrap that you put on the model should have more intention than the previous one and assert more and more control over her. The way to do it is not necessarily through more tension or force in the rope, but rather in you becoming more and more focused on the model. Each movement causing both of you to further immerse yourself in your bubble.

Apart from the progression of connection and intention, there is also a concept of progression throughout the scene. The tie keeps building up to something bigger and more intense. To make it even more interesting and at the same time more sustainable for your model, you should step back from time to time though.

Progression does not have to be linearly increasing. In fact, it's better if you step back sometimes, allowing your model to catch a breath. This way, the next time you strike, your model will be able to take more. Otherwise, if you keep striking hard without a break, she can easily be overwhelmed. In the end, you want her to take as much of your torture as possible. Therefore, it is better to give her some time to adjust, see where she is compensating and slowly take it away step by step.

Interaction

Kinbaku is not only about applying the rope on the body of your model but also using it to move your model and to control her. You want to talk to your model through rope, every move that you make should be intentional and have a meaning. You should also pay attention to whether your model actually understands your intention. Read her. Her body language will tell you a lot.

You should be able to control the movement of the model in every moment. Not using force, but because of her submission to you. She shouldn't change her position on her own accord. If she does, then it means that she is not yours yet.

Dominance and submission

Kinbaku is a D/s art, but a very subtle one. It is about seduction. You don’t want to force the terrible things that you have in mind onto someone. You want to seduce them into believing that this is what they want. Only then it is a real submission. In order to achieve that, you need to listen to your model and to the signals that she is sending you. If you are focused on your goal and not listening to her, she won’t submit. You will just force your will upon her, but she won’t be yours. And you want her to be yours. You want to control her experiences and create a bubble where all that she is thinking about is your next move.

Tying someone up is a way to show control. To make the other feel helpless and captured. But also to lull them into a false sense of security. You don’t want your model to keep fighting with you. You want her to feel good under your control. And to do that, you need to listen to what does and doesn’t feel good for her. Otherwise, you will only control her body, but it's her mind that you really want. And once you have it, it's up to your imagination what you want to make her feel. She is your playground and all the other kids are gone. The fun is all yours.

Where is the bottom in all that?

The workshop was amazing, but it seemed like it was all about the riggers. It made me think a lot about kinbaku and my role in it as a bottom. On the first sight, it seems like the role of the rigger is way more prominent and the model is a mere receiver. The importance of the skills of the rigger is definitely more visible and the skills itself are in a way easier defined. And they are very different from bottoming skills.

I think that the rigging skills are more tangible and standard, therefore easier to teach, in a way. I love following rope workshops and listening about tying, even though I have no intention of becoming a rigger myself. I still find hearing about the process fascinating. But I also often feel kind of strange during rope workshops as I'm very dependent on my rigger and there is no way that I can perform well if he doesn't.

I tend to be very ambitious and I am always striving to perfection. And that's why I sometimes find it difficult to be so dependent on my rigger in my development as a model. Because I feel like until he perfects his skills, the only thing that I can do is to give feedback. And to use what he is giving me at the moment.

I'm not saying that the role of the bottom is not important. But I feel that I can only start to create when my riggers give me space for it. And that comes with their skills. Because only once they have a good command of the ropes, can we start to play with our dynamic. That's when I can really express myself and grow. Before that, I need very different skills to help my rigger develop. I need to be able to analyse what is happening with my body and be critical about the experience. And I need to be able to give him constructive feedback. I used to not see it as ‘true’ bottoming skills and something that I want to develop. I used to just want to get lost in the experience. But I'm changing my mind.

And it were the partners of Dave and Wildties who made me change the way I think. When I asked Clover and RedSabbath how they feel about their role as rope bottoms and if they don't feel very passive sometimes, they gave me very interesting insights.

RedSabbath mentioned that for her the most crucial role of the bottom is to be the critic of the rigger. Really being honest about how they make you feel and what they can improve on. Conscious lab time, when you are really focused on tying is very important if you want to help him develop. In the end without you, the rigger can't improve. Without your feedback, he can only guess how he makes you feel. With your feedback, he can really grow and learn from his mistakes. You shape his awareness. Without you, there is no kinbaku.

Clover on the other hand explained how she feels very active in creating the scene as she is the one who is receiving riggers input, feeling it and communicating how it feels. When being in rope, she is developing her ‘bondage persona’, learning about her strong and weak sides and what feels good to her. In this way, they work very much together to create the best possible rope experience. There is a lot of self-discovery and learning for the bottom in that process. But that happens when the rigger overcomes the ‘technique’ obstacle and when the rope practice becomes a question of ‘what’ and not ‘how’.

Listening to all this, I realized that even though my role is very different than rigger’s, I still have many things that I can work on improving. I can work on giving feedback and being more conscious about what is happening with my body in ropes and how particular ties and behaviours of the rigger make me feel. I also realized that what I want to perfect is being beautiful and strong in ropes for my rigger. I can practice giving the best possible experience on my side and being grateful to the rigger for all the energy he puts into learning this difficult art.

At the same time, I also want to learn more about the Japanese culture, understand better where kinbaku comes from and what are its underlying principles in order to be able to better tune in this beautiful art and its aesthetics.

Finally, sometimes I just want to let go and give myself fully to the rigger. Let him play me like an instrument and take out all the beauty that is in my emotions and in my suffering. Because that is what we are ultimately striving to achieve.