On the merit of patience in rope models

Photo by Michal Neoral.

I haven’t always been a patient model. In fact, I used to be a very impatient and annoying one. I used to be a model that would always want to be played with and entertained and couldn’t stand rope tops practising things on her.

I've been very fortunate because basically from the moment that I discovered rope, I've only been tied by riggers who are fluent in using it. I've never tied with a complete beginner. Every partner of mine was able to give me an experience of a scene with the flow, and because of my strong reactiveness to rope and being 'fun to play with', that's what I always ended up doing with people. It seemed like I am an extremely skilled model and I was doing great right from the start of my 'rope career'. I thought that there is nothing that I needed to work on, that I was simply born for it. Until I modelled for a first technique-oriented workshop on a TK.

There hadn’t been even an inch of play in that workshop. It was all about rope technicalities: the knots, the frictions, the tension. Additionally, the pressure on the rope tops was high because at the end of the workshop they were supposed to tie the TK perfectly in a limited amount of time. Therefore, my partner was all focused on the execution of the tie and not on how it affected me. There was no room for it and it wasn't the point of the workshop either.

During the workshop, I was really dreadful. I was restless and I kept giving my partner the impression of how bored I was. Plus, I was trying to get the attention of everyone around. I kept complaining and at some point, I even started yawning. I felt entitled to it since that wasn't the rope experience that I signed up for.
Even writing about my attitude makes me cringe.

After the workshop, I got feedback from the other participants and also the teacher (who was my friend and partner, Asiana) and they all agreed that my behaviour was terrible and really not acceptable. I thought that I was providing entertainment to the others, but it turned out that I wasn't, quite the opposite. Since so many people whom I respected were of exactly the same opinion and since when I'd heard how it felt from the outside, I totally agreed with them, I decided to change.

And I did. I became a very patient and obedient model. Nowadays, I can model for technical workshops for hours and not complain even once. I model for teachers, and being a model of someone who is giving a workshop can be even more demanding because their focus is never on you during the workshop. Not when they're tying, because then they are explaining things, and also not after since then they need to help the participants and give them feedback. So you are either used as a prop to demonstrate a tie on or you have to wait until you will be used as a prop again with a minimal in-between connection or attention from your rigger. I take it all patiently and gracefully.

It's not because I learned how to shut my mouth and suffer the boredom and lack of attention in silence. I don't think that it would take me far. Sooner or later my feelings would show up one way or another.
Rather, my mindset and attitude towards this kind of rope activities have truly changed. The fact is that currently, I enjoy riggers practising things on me as well as modelling for technical workshops, and I'm not bored being tied without feelings or having the same pattern applied to me over and over again. I found a way to appreciate it and not treat it as a necessary evil.

I would like to share here the realizations that brought me to that mindset, as I do think that patience is one of the most important qualities for creating beautiful kinbaku that a model can have and that it doesn't only benefit the riggers but also the models themselves.

Not all of the things that I mention here have to apply to everyone. I think that they can be practised independently and each one of them can be beneficial on its own. I do hope that reading about it might inspire more models to find their own patience within and will help them and their riggers in their rope development as much as it is helping me.

You are only as bored as you want to be

There are millions of things that you can do as your own practice when the rope top is perfecting their technique. You can focus on your bodily sensations in the tie. You can focus on feeling the emotions that are inside you. You can meditate. You can practice maintaining proper posture (there is an art in sitting and standing in a proper manner), just to name a few.

Think for yourself what you can do and what you find the most interesting. I often alternate between the above during workshops and practice times. The possibilities of your mind, your body and the connection between them to develop and entertain you are endless if you let them. It's all about maintaining an attitude of curiosity and engagement.

Surviving boredom can prepare you for surviving the suffering later on

What I also discovered recently, is that training your mind to be able to sustain long periods of bodily inactivity is very similar to training it to withstand long periods of physical distress. Especially when the distress is partly about being immobilized, as it is in case of bondage.

So, while it might seem like you are not doing anything when your partner is using your body to practice, you might actually be practising the mindset that is extremely important later on when you will progress to more demanding ties, and when a strong mind and an ability to withstand distress for extended periods of time will be very important.

Enjoy the objectification of being a practice prop

To me, a huge benefit of being a practice prop for my riggers is the experience of objectification that it provides me with. I realize that it's not everyone's kink, but if it is yours, try to relax into the space of being an object next time when your rigger is practising their technique on you. Let yourself to become quiet and your mind to be emptied from thoughts. Enjoy your usefulness to them and the possibility to let go and just be whatever they need you to be in this moment.

By allowing the rigger to properly practice, you build the ground for better scenes in the future

This one is pretty straightforward, yet it took me some time to realize it. How are all those great riggers with whom I want to have amazing scenes expected to emerge if there is nobody that they can practice their technique on? And if there are people willing to do that, but I am not one of them, why should I deserve to get the benefits of their sacrifices?

Rope is not all fun and play and declining participation in the less fun parts of it means that, as a model, you either push it on to other models or you prevent your riggers from growing. Neither is desirable. Additionally, even if you don't care about pushing the responsibility on the other models and ripping only the benefits being unethical, having the rigger practice particularly on you has also direct benefits. Because each model's body is different, practising on your body increases not only rigger's skills in general but also their skills in tying you. They learn to fit the ties to your body and to be fluent in tying especially you. You become more attuned to each other. And that's an important precondition for having amazing rope scenes later on.

Do not behave like it's all about you

As I mentioned before, rope is not only 'fun' and requiring that riggers entertain you at all times and always engage with you when tying is making it very one-sided and selfish. Additionally, it skews the power dynamics entirely to your side which, if you are submissive like me, is the last thing you want.

To me, being a submissive is not an on and off thing. You don't turn it on for the fun stuff and off when the work needs to be done. To me, being a submissive is very much about service, about an offering that you make of yourself, about being useful. That actually gives me more satisfaction than being involved in submissive acts during play. The latter is just a cherry on top, a temporary emanation of a dynamic that's always there, a reward of sorts for being ready to serve my Dominant at all times.

In the way I approach rope bondage, a D/s element is essential to me. I don't tie with people with whom I don't feel some level of submission. And if I am submissive to someone (even to a small degree), I will never try to dictate them the terms of our engagement with each other. Doing what they want (and not what I superficially might seem to want) is, in fact, bringing me the deepest kind of pleasure. And when they require me to model for them for practice, to be useful without getting direct pleasure from it, is a proof that, indeed, I do not dictate the terms, that what we are doing is because they want it and not me.

Have an attitude of service and gratitude

This one is tied to the previous one, but I want to elaborate on it a bit more. As much as we, models, are offering our bodies for the riggers to tie and torment, they are offering us their skills and hard work that stands behind them. And we shouldn't forget about it.

Recently, there has been more and more attention drawn to giving recognition to the models and their efforts, which I think is great. Riggers should be grateful for our offering, and as an appreciation of it, they should serve our bodies and our minds as good as they possibly can. They should not use us as requisites in an exercise of boosting their egos, but they should respect us and our gifts and in that sense give justice to the sacrifices that we are making.

At the same time, models should also recognize the effort and risk that the riggers are taking when tying us. We rarely talk about the fact that becoming a skilled rigger takes really a lot of effort. We should be grateful to our riggers and appreciate them for it. Also, we should try to serve them in their efforts as much as possible, not only consume the benefits of their hard work but also be ready to give of ourselves what there is to give in order to support them. We're not learning the complex technical skills of having an absolute command of rope that they do, but we can assist them in doing it.

We want to be tied by the best riggers and have great experiences, but what do we do to actually deserve it? I don't think that just being young, pretty and flexible should do. And if it does then it's up to the riggers to evaluate whether they respect themselves enough in their choices of who they tie with.

Always stay in the rope space, don't practice casually

Finally, even though I do tie for practice nowadays (something that I used to not do at all in the past) and I model for technically-oriented workshops, I'm still always trying to have my mind in a being-tied special rope mindset.

I still hate discussing ties or talking in general, while I'm in rope. I give feedback to my riggers, but only after the tying is finished. In this way, I can practice getting out of my head and into my body when being tied and I develop the habit of doing so each time when I'm in rope.

I keep the feeling of being in rope as something that is special and prevent it from becoming casual. That's why I never do other things when people practice on me, as in, watch television, read, play on my phone. Even if the rigger does not need my attention at that moment, I want to keep the offering attitude and the 'sacredness' of the feeling of being in ropes.

I do realize that my approach to rope is very particular and not every model looks at their practice this way. I also don't think that they should. I think that we should all look for our own approach and our own expression in our practice of rope bondage.

However, I do think that reading about different attitudes that people have in rope can be immensely helpful in finding your own. And I hope that by sharing mine, I help others in achieving that, even if it's by them realizing that they completely don't agree with me. I also hope that maybe for some, my thoughts will be like that feedback that I received after the TK workshop. Something that makes you slightly uncomfortable but allows for change and growth.

Because I do think that, at least if we wish to tie with skilled riggers, patience is a quality that we should work on developing. It benefits the riggers, as it takes the pressure of entertaining the model away from them and allows them to focus on perfecting their skills whenever they feel is necessary. It also benefits us, models, indirectly by contributing to the skills of the riggers, and directly as it teaches us to take care of ourselves and to be able to manage our own mind better, without relying on the rigger so much.

Finally, the attitude that I describe creates a positive feedback loop in which each party supports the other in their growth, but at the same time takes full responsibility for their own development. It also calls for appreciation and gratitude of both partners, each one of them recognizing their different but equally important and complementary roles. It makes each rope related activity valuable for both parties, at the same time not trying to equate them, but preserving their distinct nature.

Because the nature of the rigger's practice is very different from the model's. Neither of them is easy and because of the partnered nature of rope bondage, neither can fully develop without the help of their partner. And if we want to tie with great riggers, let's try to be the models that they deserve.