There seems to be a common misconception about what it means to be objectified

People know that I am into objectification so they sometimes approach me to talk about it. After going through a number of these talks, I saw one common idea repeated over and over again. 

That to be objectified means to behave like an object.

For example, I am often asked: 

Is it really possible to be turned into an object without feelings, needs and desires? And if yes, what is so fun about it?

Or:

I don’t see any appeal in objectification. I like to respond and interact with my partner. I like to feel and desire. I wouldn’t want to become an inanimate thing. I like to be used and I want to experience it.

Or, in the rope context:

I don’t want to be objectified in rope. I want to be able to feel and express myself.

Like one would be excluding the other.

I’ve heard the above and similar statements so many times that I’ve finally decided to address them in writing.

Objectification is a really elusive concept and even though I have written quite a lot on the topic, I still don’t feel like I’ve properly expressed what it is about for me. I often write from the position of an object. Describing what an object would experience (or rather not experience) in a given situation. That an object wouldn’t need, that it wouldn’t desire. It does not mean that I strive to not need or desire. Rather, it explains why, when I am being objectified, I do not. Because when I am being treated like an object, at some point, I kind of become one. Not because I want to, but because my partner puts me in that position. It's not that I free myself from my needs and desires. They do it by treating me like I don’t have them. 

To me being objectified does not mean to behave like an object but to be treated like one. Objectification play for me has nothing to do with striving to act (or rather not act) like an object and everything to do with my partner behaving like I am one. And that is a crucial difference. The feeling of objectification does not come from me but from my partner’s treatment of me. 

It is a matter of origin. My starting position in objectification play is not that of an object. I do not do anything in particular to become it. It happens because my emotional responses are attuned to the actions of my partner. They treat me like an object, so I start feeling like one. They treat me like I do not have feelings, wishes or desires, like I do not feel pain or panic, so I stop feeling them. If nobody is responding when I am communicating my emotional states, if it seems like what I feel is an unimportant illusion, at some point my brain becomes aligned with the way that I am being treated and I stop feeling. 

I don’t think that it is like that for everyone who enjoys objectification. I can imagine that it can have infinitely many facets, depending on who gets involved in it. I can imagine that there are people who want to be a perfect object for their owners. Whose goal is to become as close to an inanimate thing as possible. Who strive to shed off their humanity as much as possible. For them, the origin of their objectification comes from the inside. Exactly as it is in the case of submission for me. 

If I feel submissive towards someone, they do not have to do anything to put me in that state. My submission does not come from their dominant acts, but from within myself. And I will keep on striving to prove my submission to them no matter what they do. I will keep on trying to be their perfect plaything.
But not with objectification. There, they put me in the mindset of an object only if they behave like I am one. 

Another difference between objectification play and play centred around my submission is that when I am submissive, my needs and desires are very important, even if they are being ignored by my partner. They are ignored but acknowledged. And that acknowledgement brings them into existence in the space between us. When I am being objectified, my needs are not ignored, they are simply not there. At least not in the eyes of my partner, but when I play, it is as good as them not existing, as what is in their eyes is what defines my reality.

So to answer the questions that I posed above. For me, it is possible to be turned into an object without feelings, needs and desires if someone treats me like I don’t have them. What I enjoy in that state is the feeling of freedom from my ego. The emptiness of my usually busy mind. The absence of desires, at least for a little while.

Being objectified or taking part in an objectification play does not mean that I stifle my reactions in any way. I do not put an effort into behaving like an object. That is not the point. I can behave like a human all I want, I am just not treated like one.

Being in that position does something to me. And that something is exactly what I am into when I say that I am into objectification.