The quiet space of being an object

It began as an intense abuse and ended in silence. They were torturing her, throwing her around, exposing and humiliating her. They were causing her pain or pleasure at their whim. They were using her for their entertainment. And when they would get tired of the play, they would leave her tied up and disoriented and start kissing and pleasuring each other. Becoming, what it seemed like, completely oblivious to her existence. 

Most of those moments were short and it was a perfect time for her to catch a breath. She didn't even have much time to think, but she did have time to feel embarrassed and out of place. “What am I supposed to do now? Am I allowed to watch them? Do I want to watch them?” she thought. It felt like being a witness to something very intimate that she shouldn't be a witness to. The fact that they've left her in the same room did not mean to her that she was also allowed to stalk them. Besides, she was already embarrassed enough by being left tied up and exposed. Watching them being intimate with each other would only embarrass her more. 

After each short break, they would come back to her, their entire attention directed, again, at giving her pain and discomfort. She wasn’t sure what she wanted more, being touched in an overwhelming amount of places or not touched at all? Being looked at and inspected closely or discarded and left alone? Each of those states was catering to her different and competing needs. Each of them longed for when the other one was being delivered.

At some point, they tied her to a chair in a corner of the room with her legs spread and her pussy exposed. A cloud of worry went through her head, “What will it lead to for me?” she thought. But they proceeded to kiss each other, getting undressed, and shortly after, making love. After a moment, she realized that she was not going to receive any attention from them for a while now. And that was the moment of welcoming the silence.

She hadn't gotten used to the experience of being an object yet. The quiet place that she went to when it happened. The overwhelming silence that was descending upon her there. The feeling of freedom and weightlessness in her mind. It felt like, on the one hand, she was leaving her body, and on the other hand, she was only a body. She ceased to want things. She ceased to wish for things to happen. She just was. She became still, her breathing slowed down. It was almost like she was melting into the background. 

Bue she loved when it happened. She loved it when her mind was freed from her ego in that way. She loved the experience of being without wanting and needing. It usually happened when she had been abandoned after a period of intense use and objectification. When, after that, she was being discarded and left in the state of an object. Especially, when she was left somehow bound or immobilized, either physically or by her need to follow orders. The fact of being used like a thing depersonalized her and in order to get out of that state, she would need to be pulled out of it by another human being, preferably the one who put her there in the first place. Just being left alone in that state did not diminish it. She was still being an object, just not one that was being used at the moment. And what do objects do when they're not being used? Well, they don't do anything. They just are. And that is what was happening to her. She just was.

When they’d finished and the girl started untying her from the chair, she was still, quiet and barely breathing. And when the girl started to ask her questions, it took her a while to realize that they were directed to her and that she actually had a voice that she should use to reply. It felt weird to talk about her needs and well-being, notions which a moment ago were basically non-existent. 

She was being brought back from the quiet space into the normal world and in order to land fully and in one piece, she needed to know one thing, "Did they enjoy it?" she asked. This was the one question that she always needed to ask after an experience like that. Did they enjoy using her? Did she bring them joy? Was her suffering fruitful? For her to assess whether she enjoyed the play herself, the only thing that mattered was whether her users did.

Their answer was positive and she could finally relax hearing that. She was happy. She had been a fun toy.